Their boat is their house and water is their land. For food, they dive into the depths of the ocean, with nothing but a wooden mask and a spear. For hundreds of years, they have lived a seaborne life. Owing to such long exposure to water, even their body has genetically evolved to adapt to marine life like no human on this planet. They don’t belong to any country, for sea is their abode. They call themselves Sama-Bajau, but the world hails them as “Sea Gypsies” or “Sea Nomads”.The Bajau people—usually found near the coastline of Southern Philippines, Malaysia and Indonesia—live on stilts or on boats that are typically five metres long and one-metre wide. From the birth of a child to death of an elderly, Bajau spend their lives in the transparent blue seas among fishes and swans. Only when they have to trade fish for staples like rice and water, they visit the land. Otherwise, their boats are like floating houses with all the amenities and resources—canned food, kettle, kerosene, plants. Many families even keep birds as pets.A bamboo stilt house of a Bajau familyTheir true origin is still shrouded in mystery, as the Bajau have only been mentioned in some books written by sea explorers a few centuries ago. But experts have now gathered enough evidence from other tribes and communities to trace back the mysterious origin of Sea Nomads to Malaysia.The Bajau tribe belongs to a Malay ethnic group, which accounts for half of the Malaysian population. But, unlike others who settled on land centuries ago, Bajau chose the seas as their home. Earlier, there were other sea-nomad communities as well, but today, Bajau is one of the few surviving tribes that live above the coral reef, far away from the commotion of cities.Bajau folklore and traditions are orally passed on from one generation to another. One story that parents tell their children is about a man named Bajau. A clan leader whom everyone followed, Bajau was a large man. Folklore has it that his body could displace enough water to help his people catch fish. His clan was happy and flourishing, but that made neighbouring tribes jealous. They plotted to kill Bajau, in vain. Eventually, they all joined him and that led to the rise of the ‘Bajau tribe’.The ocean runs through the veins of Bajau childrenBajau people still uphold their traditions and lifestyle. Even today, they live on houseboats called lepas, which also serve as their only form of transport to go hunting in or migrate from one island to another. A regular day in the life of a Bajau is nothing less than an adventure. At break of day, men in the family dive into the deep waters to ‘fix breakfast’. Children as young as eight years accompany their fathers in the hunting expedition. With just basic gears and no oxygen tank, Bajau seamlessly swim to the depths of around 200 feet—spending around five hours underwater and catching over 15 pounds of fish every day. Bajau people have attracted experts from around the globe due to their unique lifestyle and abilities. Melissa Ilardo, a geneticist who spent three summers with the Bajau people said, “They have complete control of their breath and body. They spear fish, no problem, first try.”As they spend such long hours under water, Bajau people often end up with ruptured eardrums owing to changing pressure—some individuals even deliberately perforate their eardrums to make diving easier. At a stretch, a Bajau can stay underwater much longer than a regular man. When scientists tried to solve the mystery of their innate capability, they were astounded by the results. Published in the academic journal cell, the research says that the spleen size of a Bajau is 50 percent larger than the average individual. According to the Journal of Experimental Biology, when underwater, an individual’s spleen contracts to release red blood cells into the bloodstream. So a bigger spleen means more oxygen in the blood, hence longer underwater dives. Bajau people also have genetically enhanced vision that enable them to spot camouflaged sea creatures and precious stones.A normal day in the life of a Bajau womanBajau women, too, play a central role in their families. When men and children are busy fishing, building boats and trading, women spend time weaving straw mats, making and selling pottery—their handcrafted designs are famous across various islands. It’s a long, meticulous process that Bajau women have inherited from their ancestors. Other than creating household materials, Bajau women also make cooling powder—traditionally called bedak sejuk—from rice and pandan leaves that prevents the skin from dehydrating due to long exposure to salt.For long, Bajau have lived life in their own unique ways. But now, with increasing regulations against fish trading and ecosystem preservation many Bajau families have been forced to migrate to the land for basic necessities. And, those who are still living as sea gypsies fight their own battles every day to earn a decent living. For instance, according to the Malay government rules, the Bajau people now must use heavier and more expensive commercial wood instead of the lighter, cheaper traditional one to construct boats. The weight makes it difficult for them to navigate the seas. Besides, they don’t enjoy any citizenship rights or benefits. From food to basic healthcare, they rely on their traditional practices and marine resources. Now that their sea-nomadic lifestyle is under threat, they must think of alternative modes of survival.

Geeta was travelling to Ernakulam, Kerala, to visit her frail, old mother for the Good Friday weekend. In tow were her three-year-old daughter Ammu, and one-year-old cherub, Appu. Since it was a late night train, her husband, who wasn’t accompanying them on this trip, dropped them off at the station and settled them in their seats. Geeta would have to fend for herself and her children through the journey. Their co-passenger was a reticent lady, who kept to herself.As the train left the platform and the goodbyes faded into a distance, Geeta heard a commotion brewing within the compartment. She strained her ears to hear the conversation. All she heard was, “No, no, this is not going there”. Her anxiety levels shot up when she realised the train was not headed to Ernakulam. She had boarded the wrong train!It was a nightmare for Geeta. Concerned co-passengers suggested she alights at the next station and takes another train to her hometown. Geeta knew changing trains was her only option but she wasn’t confident of doing it alone, with the kids and all her luggage. A devout Christian, she kept mumbling, “Why must I suffer through this? This is indeed turning out to be a Good Friday for us.” However, it wasn’t time for muttering and fumbling. She had to do what was needed to, to reach her destination.Reminding herself that Easter Sunday always follows Good Friday, Geeta mustered courage, woke up a sleeping Ammu, who had to walk, so she could carry Appu, and got off at the next station. It was a rather small, dimly-lit, deserted station, with no sign of a porter at that hour. The train left the station and she walked around helplessly, looking for signs of life, at that unearthly hour.Suddenly, she saw a woman at a distance, walking towards the platform exit gate, where she stood. The lady walked right up to Geeta and, lo and behold! It was her co-passenger, who hadn’t uttered a word when they were together on the train! She offered to look after Ammu and the luggage, while Geeta tried to find a porter to ferry their luggage across the overbridge.Though it was well past midnight, a porter, who was on leave for Good Friday, emerged from the darkness and offered to carry her luggage. Her reticent co-passenger accompanied them all the way to Ernakulam, which happened to be her destination, too. The ordeal was over for Geeta and her children. They could now look forward to a bright Easter Sunday.

There are many books that manage to capture the essence of the Buddha’s teachings. While some explore the basics of the Buddhist philosophy, others dive deeply into the religious concept. The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh is a simple, yet structured guide to the philosophy that takes us on a transformational journey from suffering to joy.In his book, Thich Nhat Hanh, a poet, and a Vietnamese Zen master, introduces readers to the concept of suffering and explains how it is also the catalyst that liberates us. He writes: When we direct our attention toward our suffering, we see our potential for happiness. We see the nature of suffering and the way out. That is why the Buddha called suffering a Holy Truth. When we use the word “suffering” in Buddhism, we mean the kind of suffering that can show us the way outThis quote captures the essence of the book that delineates the Buddha not as a God but as “a human being like you and me, and he suffered just as we do.” But, instead of running away from that suffering, the Buddha embraced it whole-heartedly. He called suffering a Holy Truth because it has the capacity to show us the path to liberation, a way to find inner peace.The book enlists practices for mindfulness that can help us deal with our sufferings and eventually liberate us from it as well. They include mindful walking, mindful breathing, mindful sitting, mindful eating, mindful looking, and mindful listening. One mindful step can help us realise that beauty and joy are all around us. Once we realise this, we should mindfully vow to stop ingesting everything that brings us suffering, says the http://author.In fact, only when you are done with the book, will you realise that the repetition is a way of initiation into the meditative practice of Buddhism—another basic principle to attain enlightenmentThe Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching is, in a sense, a manual of numbered lists on core Buddhist tenets such as Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, Three Doors of Liberation, The Seven Factors of Awakening. The chapters combine to provide a comprehensive overview of the philosophy to those initiated and uninitiated to Buddhism. They spur us to apply Buddhist concepts such as suffering, birth, death, and mindfulness to our daily lives and follow the author’s practical guidelines to lead a compassionate, joyful and enlightened life. The application requires encouragement to practice whatever brings us joy and peace. And this practice makes us realise what a miracle it is to be alive and that’s a good enough reason to end our suffering.What makes The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching unique is that Nhat Hanh, despite being a devout Buddhist himself, doesn’t propagate Buddhism as a religion, in this book. Instead, he encourages readers to remain in their own faiths and use the Buddha’s teachings as a means to lead a happier and peaceful life.Nhat Hanh writes about the profound Buddhist principles with such simplicity that it makes reading this book a breeze. He explains the layers of mindfulness, the Noble Eightfold path with such gentility of prose and poetic expression that even the tedium of endless lists and the repetitive metaphors become bearable, and even inspiring. In fact, only when you are done with the book, will you realise that the repetition is a way of initiation into the meditative practice of Buddhism—another basic principle to attain enlightenment.The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching encourages us to lead a disciplined life of practice. It builds on the adage: Practice maketh a man perfect to propagate that practicing embracing and dealing with our sufferings eventually helps us transform our sufferings to joy and leads to our overall wellbeing.

It is not about the aesthetics of an art form; it is about the feel-good factor. Emotion, movement, rhythm. Imagine them coming together in motion. Dr Gayathri Ganapathy and Sujata Iyer are on a mission to engage you with this beautiful intensity. They have been adapting their classical roots to an interactive setting to foster the wellbeing benefits of movement and music. In a soul-stirring interview with Soulveda, the duo talks about the holistic and spiritual inspiration behind the concept. Excerpts:Soulveda: Could you tell us about your collaboration? How did it come to be?Sujata: We met at an art gallery in Bangalore in 2012 and discussed our professions. When Gayathri told me about her interdisciplinary approach to dance and wellbeing, I was immediately hooked. It took us three years to get the concept going, with our life events taking up our time and Gayathri working in Manchester. But when she visited India in December 2016, she had planned to stay for two months. That’s when we put the plan into action and presented Bāndhavam, our work-in-progress.Gayathri: Sujata and I were very much in sync, right from the moment we met. That had a huge role in making this work. Together, we wanted to educate the audience to look beyond the aesthetics of our art forms and perceive it as an interactive experience for general wellbeing. So, Bāndhavam is our collaborative effort to explore the synergy between music and movement, creating a holistic experience.Soulveda: Interactive experience is quite prevalent in modern day play-theatre. But an interactive dance-theatre is intriguing. Could you tell us more about it?Sujata: When we performed Bāndhavam in January 2016, we weren’t entirely sure of the performance format. We refrained from calling it a workshop because we didn’t want non-dancers to be discouraged from attending our programme. Instead, we presented our work as a performance and threw the floor open for discussion afterwards.Gayathri: There was also a part in the presentation where I pulled out a member from the audience to join me in dancing. She’s my friend and a dancer, but she wasn’t expecting it. She played along well though.“Any art form nudges us to feel deeply. We wanted people to let go and be in the moment, rather than try to interpret the meaning or appreciate the art form for its aesthetics.”Soulveda: That must have been exciting. What was the audience response to this?Gayathri: Frankly, I was quite doubtful about the audience response to something so offbeat. But then, a woman came up to us and expressed, with tears in her eyes, how our presentation moved her. The lyrics of the Tamil song Asai Mugam had brought back fond memories of her husband.Sujata: We didn’t use costumes or music accompaniments. It was just Gayathri, her guru Meera Vishwanathan and me. We didn’t find the need for anything other than the songs, the movements, and the rhythm. When Gayathri and I were rehearsing, we were always in awe at our peaceful state of mind. We wanted to radiate that feel-good state to our audience. But we had no idea it would be received just as emotionally.Soulveda: True. Art can take us on a journey inwards. According to you, what aspect of your presentation does this?Sujata: Any art form nudges us to feel deeply. We wanted people to let go and be in the moment, rather than try to interpret the meaning or appreciate the art form for its aesthetics. I believe it was a combination of our choice of emotional songs and the intimate setting that did it. A line of the Asai Mugam song, goes Oayvu mozhidhalum illaamalavan uravai ninaithirukkum ullam. It means without any interval, my heart thinks about my relationship with him. The woman who was in tears, in memory of her husband, could relate to this. Not only because the lyrics were powerful, but also because we kept the presentation very interactive. Such an open setting creates warmth.Soulveda: What inspired you to look at wellbeing and art forms together?Gayathri: Arts and psychology go hand-in-hand. Exploring art through the lens of psychology gave me a multi-dimensional view. When I used to teach Bharatanatyam in India, my students’ parents often told me how the dance classes helped their children improve their handwriting and concentration. This made me question the correlation between transferable fine motor skills (like mudras) and basic cognitive abilities like attention, visual memory and concentration. I found that with good coordination of such abilities, comes a sense of wellbeing. So, naturally, wellbeing is at the heart of our collaboration.“For me, dance is a medium that gives immense happiness. It’s my prayer. It creates positivity, which I believe is infectious. The more engaged people can get with my work, more happiness I can spread.”Soulveda: Indian classical art forms naturally embody devotion. When we speak of devotion, spirituality is not very far. How do spirituality and wellbeing connect for you?Gayathri: For me, dance is a medium that gives immense happiness. It’s my prayer. It creates positivity, which I believe is infectious. The more engaged people can get with my work, more happiness I can spread. So, I would say my sense of spirituality runs parallel to the sense of wellbeing my audience feels.Sujata: I’m a devotional singer; spirituality is a given. However, like Gayathri said, I’ve found that it’s more satisfying when an audience can relate to it. For me, spirituality is about being peaceful. This, in turn, nourishes wellbeing, for both the artiste/s and the audience.Soulveda: Bāndhavam isn’t a one-off performance for the two of you. It’s an evolving process. Do you see this holistic approach to your work turning into a wellbeing/therapeutic practice down the line?Gayathri: Arts for mental health is not only a personal drive for me, but also a professional initiative. I am in talks with cultural centres in Manchester. They wish to promote South Asian art and look forward to concepts like this. We’re doing our best to give more shape to our collaboration.Sujata: We’ve been adapting traditional art forms to get the audience to look beyond aesthetics and think about mind, body, and soul. Hopefully, with more exposure, we’ll be able to come up with a workshop format too. That way, our efforts may yield a therapeutic practice at some point.

Iam a scaredy-cat. I have not watched any horror movie in my entire life. So, when my friends insisted that we visit the ghost village of Kuldhara as part of our Rajasthan tourism itinerary, I was anything but keen. Not that I believe in ghosts per se. But, if I had a choice, I would gladly not spend an evening in a haunted place. Since my friends were excited about visiting the ghost village, I didn’t have much say in the matter.While driving towards Kuldhara from Jaisalmer, I googled about the place. That’s when I stumbled upon paranormal activities recorded there by the Indian Paranormal Society in 2014. I went through several of their news reports and YouTube videos. The team of experts have supposedly collected and recorded several anomalies—unexplained Electro-magnetic fields, static charges, variations in temperature to name a few. According to them, these evidences suggest that there really is something paranormal about Kuldhara, which cannot be explained by science. Maybe Kuldhara is indeed haunted, I found myself thinking. The very thought made me break out in a cold Home was late in the afternoon by the time we reached Kuldhara. My friends and I got off the car to explore the ruins on foot. Not many tourists were around, and the village looked eerie and deserted—just like a ghost town. We cut across a stretch of derelict houses with crumbling brick walls. We climbed a fleet of rickety stairs that led to an open terrace atop an old temple. The view from the top left me wondering how life must have thrived here once upon a time. I imagined children playing around in the spacious courtyards; I pictured men and women going about their daily chores, happy and contented. Just then, an old man with a wrinkled face appeared out of nowhere. To me, he seemed like a timeless apparition and I almost screamed. Thankfully, he was very much human—he introduced himself as Amar Singh, a tour guide, and sat us down in the terrace. He then went on to narrate the tragic tale of Kuldhara.Before the darkness could engulf us, he guided us down the stairs and escorted us to where our car was waiting.According to Singh, Kuldhara was once a prosperous place, home to Paliwal Brahmins. But things became increasingly difficult for the people when Salum Singh, a lecherous Prime Minister of the king of Jaisalmer, laid his eyes on the Chief of Kuldhara’s beautiful daughter. Salum proposed marriage, but, not surprisingly, the chief of Kuldhara rejected it. Unable to handle the rejection, Salum sent an ultimatum to the chief that should his daughter not accept his hand in marriage within 24 hours, people of Kuldhara would face serious consequences. The chief sent a letter to Salum requesting for time to reconsider the proposal. Meanwhile, the people of Kuldhara, scared of the consequences and dishonour hurriedly prepared to abandon the village altogether. According to our tour guide, the same night, the Paliwal Brahmins gathered whatever possessions they could, and abandoned the village, never to return. Before leaving, however, the people cursed the village. Since then, Kuldhara has been uninhabited by man. It is now believed that this village is home to ghosts and evil http://spirits.By the time Singh finished the story, it was already dusk. From the terrace, I could see the setting sun casting shadows upon the ruins of the once prosperous village. Before the darkness could engulf us, he guided us down the stairs and escorted us to where our car was waiting. As we got into the car, I felt a wave of relief washing over me. “There was nothing ghostly about the place, was there? Kuldhara doesn’t seem haunted…” one of my friends commented as we pulled away. She then informed us that the Rajasthan tourism board is looking to renovate Kuldhara to the way it was 200 years ago. Soon, cafes and restaurants will cater to tourists who wish to stay overnight. Is it possible then, that Kuldhara is not really haunted? I mused. Perhaps the ghosts have fled as more and more humans are now haunting the place… I thought to myself, smiling.

Not many have heard of the Norse gods. They are ‘dead’ for several hundred years, with their lore lost in the sands of time. Today, only traces of their legacy is left, spattered across the world of music, literature, cinema, sports, but hidden from the obvious. Thor from the Marvel comics, the ice giants in World of Warcraft, the mask of Loki in The Mask, the elves in The Lord of the Rings—countless creations have Norse blood in their veins. Not just that. Even the days of the week are named after Norse gods. But how many people know about it? Not many.The forgotten gods of Norse were once the pride of Germanic people—forefathers of present-day Scandinavians. It was the Viking age, when the Norse gods were ‘alive’ in the bedtime stories, prayers, war cries, poems, and festivals. No man lifted a sword without taking Odin’s or Thor’s name, and no woman sang victory songs without mentioning Frigg or Freya in the verses. Children grew up listening to the stories of these mighty gods, and giants, dwarves, elves, dragons and many fascinating creaturesfrom the Norse mythology. It was this richness that inspired poets and historians to write Poetic Eddaand Prose Edda, a collection of poems that narrate the birth of Norse gods at the beginning of time—called Völuspá—and their end following the battle of Ragnarök.Poetic Edda and Prose Edda are the few remaining manuscripts on Norse that were written around 13thcentury CE. In their pages lies the magical world of Norse gods. Their mythology is not just a read but a flight of imagination that one takes to ‘see’ their world. After all, nothing is as complex yet as enchanting as the cosmos where the Norse mythology http://unfolds.It was then Odin realises the ill fate of the world when the spirit tells him: Ragnarök, would bring the end of the immortals and everything they had created.The enchanting universe of Norse godsTo begin with, Norse’s universe, was made up of two realms—fire and ice. It was the primordial stage before the Norse gods were born. Due to unknown events, the stream of ice collapsed with the fire that gave birth to Ymir, the first creature of the Norse mythology, and Audhumla, a cow. As Ymir drank Audhumla’s milk, each drop he spilled gave birth to other gods such as Odin, Vili, and Ve. These gods laid the foundation of seven other realms and their inhabitants that completed the Norse universe.According to the mythology, the nine realms in the Norse universe were located on an enormous tree, called Yggdrasil. At the summit of the tree lay Asgard, the abode of the greatest gods, whose king was Odin. A one-eyed god, Odin was considered the father of the entire Norse pantheon, and the fiercest warrior of all time. Vanaheim, also located in the upper branches, was the other clan of the gods that was at war with the Asgard for ages. Midgard, the realm of mortals or humans inhabited the middle part of the tree. Along with Midgard, other realms—Alfheim, the world of the elves; Svartálfheim, home of the dark elves; Nidavellir, the world of the dwarves; and Jotunheim, the world of the giants—were also located near the middle region. Niflheim, known as the underworld or hell, and Muspell, the world of Surt, a fire-breathing monster took the roots as their dwelling place.From the 21st century perspective, the world of Norse gods seems like a setup of a visually acclaimed, high-budget fantasy-fiction movie. But it is not just the rendition of the Norse universe that is extraordinary. Even their stories are as captivating as any piece of fiction. For instance, the conversation between Odin and a spirit—as described in the Poetic Edda—where the king commands the spirit to reveal the future of Asgard and the cosmos to him. It was then Odin realises the ill fate of the world when the spirit tells him: “Ragnarök, would bring the end of the immortals and everything they had created.”Ragnarök or the twilight of the gods is the final story of the Norse gods. According to the mythology, the war begins when the dead from Niflheim attack Asgard, Vanaheim, and other realms from all corners. When this happens, Heimdall, the mute guardian of the Asgard blows his horn to alert the pantheon of the imminent attack. The gods, aware of their destiny, bid farewell to their wives and children before mounting their horses and marching towards the battleground. What ensues is a battle so chaotic and vicious that it ends with the destruction of every living being on the planet and in heaven.For hundreds of years, Vikings fought their wars with the battle cry of the Norse gods, until they were overrun by the enemies that stripped them from their lands and their faithThe RenaissanceEven though the mythology concludes with the war, for Vikings, Ragnarök wasn’t the end of the Norse gods. According to Prose Edda, the Vikings believed that the fall of Norse gods ushered in a new era from the ashes of the old ones— “In that time the earth shall emerge out of the sea, and shall then be green and fair; then shall the fruits of it be brought forth unsown.” This new world was predicted to be more beautiful and peaceful than the realms of Norse, where humans and gods thrive once again and live together in peace. Perhaps, it was the Vikings’ way to say that death was not the end of life.Just like Norse gods, Vikings were warriors, and war was their destiny too. Like Ragnarök, they fought many great battles, some they won, some they lost. But every defeat and death reminded them of rebirth, a new beginning which they learned from their gods. For hundreds of years, Vikings fought their wars with the battle cry of the Norse gods, until they were overrun by the enemies that stripped them from their lands and their faith.Today, people rarely sing their songs or tell their stories to children. But looking at the wheel of time, it seems the forgotten gods of Norse are rising again. First, the Icelanders opened a shrine, for the first time since the Viking age, where people can worship the Norse gods. Secondly, they have become a household name, thanks to the Avengers franchise. Elves and dwarves need no introduction either. Thirdly, many artists are reopening the pages of Edda to find inspiration. Given such a keen revival of interest in Norse mythology, perhaps, in the coming years, Norse gods will regain their lost kingdom and reclaim their place in the hearts of humans.

If you could take one name, who would you choose to see in the rear view mirror of life? Is it your kid, spouse, a friend or someone from an old relationship? In the final moments, that one person is all that matters. All those words that were left unsaid, promises that you didn’t keep, the what ifs and could haves, flood your mind. You find yourself drowning in melancholy as you rewind your life to figure out where it all went wrong. That’s when you realise you took life for granted, and along with that, your relationships tooOften, we stop cherishing relationships the way we used to once upon a time. Of the many reasons for it, resentment tops the list. A son hasn’t spoken to his father for a decade; a wife walked away from her marriage of 20 years; a couple who were once inseparable can’t stand each other now—the stories of dysfunctional relationships are everywhere, although with different spins and backdrop. Unless the bitter emotion of resentment is addressed and eliminated in a relationship, it turns sour.What is this resentment anyway? According to Claire Hatch, a relationship counsellor, resentment is a sneaky emotion that takes more forms than people might realise. It may look like boredom at first, small talks or like an everyday routine of finding flaws in your partner. But eventually, it takes the shape of “less everything”. Less warmth, less affection, and of course, less curiosity and less fascination. In many ways, resentment is like those chronic illnesses that show the standard symptoms in the beginning but destroy the nervous system a few years later. It does the same to a healthy relationship—killing it slowly and silently, without raising any red flags.Sometimes, you give the “silent treatment”, in the hope that things will get better on their own. But they never doShapeshifting thoughtsFighting an invisible enemy is not easy. To win, you need to keep your eyes open. In the case of resentment, it means to identify the symptoms in their nascent form. And in its early stage, resentment is nothing but suppression of negative thoughts—it could be fear, anger, disagreements, disappointments, or all. In the long run, these emotions shapeshift into resentment, if left unaddressed.You might be harbouring discontent for your parents, sibling or your partner, for something they did or said. But instead of addressing these feelings, you retain them as they are. Sometimes, you give the “silent treatment”, in the hope that things will get better on their own. But they never do.Dr Meredith Hansen, a clinical psychologist from Laguna Niguel, California, calls this silent treatment “read my mind” attitude. “I believe that when someone does not express their needs and expects others to read their mind, they will feel disappointed and over time disappointment leads to resentment and eventually contempt,” Dr Hansen explains. She says ‘read my mind’ is like drinking the poison and expecting the other person to die. While it never works, silence ends up giving resentment more space to grow. Days turn into weeks, and weeks into years. In the end, all that remains is the painful memory of once a loving relationship and the emotional scar left by its broken pieces.The more direct and clear a partner is with his or her feelings and needs, the easier it is for their spouse to understand the core issueThe invisible scorecardResentment in a relationship also grows when there is an imbalance of power in a relationship. When there is an absence of the true spirit of equality and respect, resentment starts to take over in those relationships. “An invisible scorecard begins to be kept by one or both members and the smallest as well as the largest infringements are silently recorded to be brought up and used out of context at a later time, which is part of what makes resentment poisonous,” says Gina Barreca, world-famous author, and humourist. She believes as the counts on the scorecard increases, resentment starts fuming from smallest of events—when somebody spends too much money, throws a tantrum or whines, forgets to pay a bill, or won’t wash the dishes. Those are signs that the issues need to be addressed immediately.Resentment can cripple any relationship, but it affects a marriage the worst. It accumulates in a marriage when one partner—or both—feel neglected, hurt, disappointed, and these feelings are not directly expressed or validated. When a baby comes into the picture, the situation can become worse. “New moms often feel overwhelmed and neglected and begin to resent their husband for getting his needs met, like playing golf, staying late at work, not having to shoulder as much of the baby duties,” Dr Hansen explains. It could well be the start of the end of someone’s marriage. So what to do in such situations? If resentment is the poison, what is its antidote?Communication is keyAccording to Dr Hansen, communication is the solution to all the problems associated with resentment. She believes that when a new mother directly expresses her feelings and needs, resentment begins to decrease. For instance, a new mother who feels resentment towards her husband should be direct. “She could say something like, I feel sad and lonely on the weekend when you play golf. I’d love to have more family time. Also, I know that you need time to yourself, but so do I. Can we make a plan for the weekends so we’re each getting a little alone time and we have some quality time as a family?” Dr Hansen explains. The more direct and clear a partner is with his or her feelings and needs, the easier it is for their spouse to understand the core issue. Once both are on the same page, the couple can then work together to identify a solution.And, finding that solution is the key, not just for couples but also for families and friends. Whoever harbours resentment should say exactly what they feel, expect, and need. While doing so, the person with resentment and contempt should ask themselves what do they love about the other person; what do they appreciate in them; and how do they add value to the person’s life? As Barreca says, only by combining the interest in a relationship and not seeing it as adversarial, by respecting and admiring people as an equal, and by agreeing to examine with genuine honesty the patterns of inequity in the relationship, can people move forward toward a future where they feel fortunate to have a healthy, loving relationship.

British actor Rowan Atkinson was born with a stutter. Shy as a child, he was constantly bullied at school because of his speech impediment. Interestingly though, whenever Atkinson went on stage, he was able to take on a new persona. He could immerse himself into the role of his character and his stuttering would magically disappear. In an interview with the Time magazine, he is known to have said, “I find when I play a character other than myself, the stammering disappears. That may have been some of the inspiration for pursuing the career I did.”Beyonce Knowles who is ladylike in her personal life wanted to showcase a different persona of herself on stage. She hence created Sasha Fierce who was sensual, bold, and aggressive. In an interview, Beyonce revealed that Sasha was born during the making of her hit single Crazy in Love. Strictly a stage persona, Sasha helped Knowles experience a different version of herself. However, as Beyonce herself is known to have said, “I’m not like her in real life at all. I’m not flirtatious and super-confident and fearless like her.”Like Knowles and Atkinson, several successful people—be it in the field of entertainment or sports or business—are known to have consciously created alter egos. For instance, according to the author Walter Isaacson, the persona of Steve Jobs as Apple’s founder was nothing like the persona of Steve Jobs when around his family. And it is not just the top performers—we too have different facets to our personality. Only, we seldom take note of them and create our own alter egos. For instance, our persona when we’re alone or with family members is often different from our persona when around friends or at our http://workplace.So, why create an alter ego? Why consciously magnify certain personality traits? Performance advisor Todd Herman, the author of The Alter Ego Effect, gives us a compelling reason. In his podcast, he explains: “Alter egos help us get out of our own way. Many a time, we carry within us insecurities and judgements that make us play it small in life. Most of us are born to be a superman or superwomen but we deliberately take on the role of Clark Kent so that we’d fit in with society, and not get ostracised.” So essentially, his theory is that by taking preferred traits from our own personality, creating an avatar with them, and distancing ourselves from it, we’d no longer worry about being judged or criticised. We’d thereby lose our inhibitions and come one step closer to experience our true selves.Here’s the catch, though—often, the term alter ego is misunderstood. When we think of alter egos, we tend to think of the novel The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde or remember the scenes from the movie Fight Club. We often confuse having an alter ego with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Incidentally, the two are very different. While DID is a medical condition wherein the person has no recollection of his multiple personalities, having an alter ego is a conscious choice. It is a mere tool to magnify one or more personality traits which are already present within us. To further clarify, as Herman insists, the alter ego we create for ourselves should bring out the core of who we are. But creating an alter ego to impress or deceive someone, can lead to our own entrapment if we create a second self which is fake and inauthentic, not in sync with who we truly want to be.I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until, finally, I became that person. Or he became me. Or we met at some point along the wayHaving said that, having an alter ego is not a walk in the park. It can be uncomfortable at first. To consciously shift to our alter ego mode, or to seamlessly transition between our personas every now and then can be downright tedious. However, with enough practice, we’ll eventually outgrow the need for an alter ego someday. After all, several expertsconcede that our personality traits are not set in stone. They are, instead, surprisingly malleable. And so, over time, we’d automatically begin to embody the traits that were once dormant within us and our alter ego would become a natural part of who we are. Perhaps, it is as the American actor Cary Grant once said: “I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until, finally, I became that person. Or he became me. Or we met at some point along the way.”So how do we create an alter ego for ourselves? How do we come one step closer to who we truly are? Herman suggests a five-step process:Personal limiter diagnosticWe often live a limited life owing to our own limited beliefs. And so, before we go on to create an alter ego, it is better to introspect, make a list of our limiting beliefs along with the reason why we’ve nurtured them in the first place. The more honest our evaluation, the more insights we’d get about our own conditioned psyche—the very things we need to overcome by creating an alter ego.Talent magnifierOnce we have a list of limiters, the next step is to identify key traits which could help us overcome these limiters. This step hence requires us to evaluate our own quirks, talents, and oddities which could help us overcome them, showcase our unique persona and thereby make us who we truly are.Bringing your alter ego to lifeWhilst breathing life into an alter ego, it is better to give it a background story. By giving our avatar a storyline and a context, we develop an emotional connect and hence find it easier to relate to our alter ego better.Triggers to get into the alter ego modeTo transition into our alter ego, initially, we may require help. This is where props can come in handy. Props can be something we wear, something we hold on to, or something in the external environment. These essentially act as a trigger which gives us a cue to enter the alter ego mode.Immersion experienceThis final step is where we immerse ourselves in the life of the alter ego and experience how it feels. For a moment, we get to live the true version of who we are. Then on, the more we practice going in and out of the alter ego mode, the more we get comfortable with our new avatar and become it ourselves.