Everything seemed to be falling apart those days — be it my career or my personal life. I wanted to run away to an unknown place, where I could break free from all my worries, and seek inner peace and contentment. Fortunately, that’s when my husband suddenly decided to go to Bylakuppe in Coorg on a short vacation. I was excited as that was where the Namdroling Monastery was. It had been on my must-visit list since I had heard about it from a friend who visited Bylakuppe five years ago.

I vividly remember the day I visited Namdroling — my first visit to a monastery. Although it was March and summer was just setting in, the weather was quite pleasant with a cool breeze steadily blowing. My husband and I had a good drive to the monastery. What I saw on reaching Bylakuppe was breathtaking. The magnificent Namdroling monastery stood there amidst the scenic landscapes, guarded by the spectacular red and golden gates at the entrance that led into a courtyard and well-maintained lawns. In fact, it is famously referred to as the Buddhist Golden Temple owing to the golden statues and splendour of the monastery. Yet, amidst the grandeur, you cannot miss a life-size portrait of Pema Norbu Rinpoche, the 11th throne holder of the Palyul lineage that dominates Namdroling.

Its stunning architecture spoke volumes for the Tibetan culture. The temple was painted in bright blue and gleaming golden and had vibrant, typical Tibetan paintings on the walls. The prayer hall housed the statues of saints Padmasambhava, Sukhayami and Amitayus. Monks sat inside the hall chanting prayers. One of them came up to me and sprinkled holy water. Although there were tourists walking up and down the monastery hall creating a buzz louder than the chanting, there was something very soothing and peaceful about the place.

I was mesmerised by the beauty of the Namdroling Monastery. Momentarily, it seemed my search for some peace had ended right there. As I strolled around the temple, I bumped into an elderly monk, in the quintessential monastic attire, chanting Buddhist mantras in the corridor. We had a brief chat about the monastery’s history, how Namdroling was a place for perfect emancipation and how disciplined was their lives as monks. I will cherish this conversation for a lifetime.

During those three hours at the monastery, I forgot all my worries, was detached from my problems, disconnected from technology and far removed from the materialistic world. I was overwhelmed with a sense of inner-peace and calmness. I realised how to make peace with what one doesn’t have and move on when nothing works. It made me firmly believe in the saying that “Life is not a bed of roses”, it will have ups and downs and several tough phases. But how we perceive it and face it with courage can help us overcome those phases. I also realised that the answers to all the difficult questions lie within us, we only need to trust ourselves and look for them.

The vibrations in the Namdroling monastery emanated a peacefulness and spirituality like no other shrine. The beautiful, colourful flowers, incandescent candles, and aromatic incense sticks at the temple’s altar added to the otherworldliness of Bylakuppe.

After taking a long stroll around the complex, my husband and I sat down for a while. To me, it was a moment of self-discovery, a moment when I felt immense joy from within. I was glad that I visited Namdroling, for now, I was ready to start a better and brighter tomorrow. I won’t say my life changed after our visit to the monastery, but today, I know how to seek inner peace even in the toughest of life situations. For that, I shall cherish Namdroling.

Death has always surrounded it. It is not of this earth,” Salah warns Indy about the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Despite the warning, and several other perils that await him, Indiana Jones embarks on an adventurous journey to find the biblical artefact before Nazis could get their hands on it. After all, it had the power of gods that could destroy anything, let alone win a war. Spielberg’s Raiders of the Lost Ark is a catalogue of biblical secrets that leaves the audience wondering whether the Ark was a figment of imagination or really existed.

According to the Hebrew Bible Book of Exodus, it is real. The Bible says, the Hebrews used the Ark to house the stone tablets on which God etched his Ten Commandments. But the Ark wasn’t just any other chest holding a holy relic, it is believed to have had its own fabled powers. Even though Hebrews considered the Ark as a gift of God, some greedy ones used it to their advantage. As written in the Book of Joshua — the sixth book in the Hebrew Bible — Israelis used the Ark to bring down the incredible wall of Jericho to conquer the city. The wall now lies hidden in a heap of ruins, concealing the stories of the past 10,000 years, and probably, our empirical link with the Bible.

Jericho, arguably the oldest city in the world, dates to 9000 BCE. From the melting Ice Age to the early human migration; from the Bronze Age to the battle of Jericho in Bible, Jericho has seen it all. Even the dawn of human civilisation begun at the doorstep of Jericho when humans were still hunters. To trace the history of the city, one needs to start from the beginning when the environment was changing radically.

Somewhere around 10,000 BCE, Natufian hunter-gatherers settled in the lowlands of West Bank, called Tell es-Sultan, which was two kilometres from the modern-day Jericho. It was the time when the Late Glacial Maximum was abating. The environment was becoming warmer; some species were on the verge of extinction while others were beginning to thrive, especially ours. One could say, the hunter-gatherers, who had settled in Tell es-Sultan benefited the most from the radical change in the environment owing to the rains and fertile land of Jericho.

Thanks to the abundance of resources, the settlement grew rapidly. People hunted wild animals, cultivated barley and wheat for food and lived in the houses made from clay and straw. In a few decades, the settlement became a full-fledged town, expanding from Tell es-Sultan to Jericho, from 70 houses at first to hundreds. As time passed, the population of Jericho rose and life was beautiful. The inhabitants had no complaints, no worries except a fear of floods and invasion. It is impossible to know what gave them the idea, but they decided to build a wall to protect themselves from such calamities. It was the first of its kind in human history. The wall was approximately 10 feet high and 4 feet thick. At the same time, they also raised a 28-feet tall tower at the central courtyard, which was the mark of communal power and territorial claim.

The wall stood tall like a colossus for centuries. But around 7000 BCE, some unknown invaders, who saw Jericho as a road to paradise, invaded it. After all, Jericho was a settlement way ahead of time with its limitless supply of fresh water, crops and mud-bricked shelters. When the new people came, the growth trajectory of Jericho reached new heights. They absorbed the old settlement into their culture, expanded the boundaries of Jericho, and invented new tools and practices to construct buildings. The Bronze Age was on the rise, and Jericho was on top of it.Over the next millennia, Jericho was invaded multiple times by the nomadic newcomers. But no one attacked the settlement with the intention to destroy it as everyone longed to make Jericho their abode. And each time a new community came, their knowledge and culture expanded the urbanisation of Jericho. But the settlement reached its prime when Canaanites came to Jericho in 1900 BCE. They were rich aristocrats who introduced town culture in Jericho. They increased the size of the wall, making it impenetrable. For 500 years, the wall remained invincible keeping enemies at bay.

In 1400 BCE, Israelis came from the other side of the Jordan river and attacked Jericho under the command of Joshua. When their early attempts went in vain, it is said that Israelis used the Ark to destroy the wall. The people shouted when the priests blew the trumpets. “And it happened when the people heard the sound of the trumpet, and the people shouted with a great shout, that the wall fell down flat.” (Joshua 6:20–24) But unlike other invaders, Joshua turned Jericho into ashes and placed a curse on anyone who rebuilt it. It remained in ruins for the next 550 years till King Ahab reconstructed Jericho and restored its prominence.

Aditi was going through the toughest phase of her writing career — and her life. She hadn’t written a word in two months. It was that writer’s block which she didn’t know how to break. Her publishers had given her another deadline, which possibly would be her last. For someone who sold more than 20,000 copies for her debut book, she could see her promising career, crashing in front of her eyes.

Her first book Finding your way home was an overnight success. The critics called it a breath of fresh air for its storytelling and originality — the plot revolved around an Irish woman falling in love with a Brit during the unrest of 1970s in Britain. Aditi drew her inspiration from her own marriage that was nothing less than a fairy-tale for her. She was in love, happily married to her darling husband, until one day he left her for someone else.

Aditi always looked inward for inspiration. That is why while writing about The Face of Happiness, she didn’t know where to begin. Her own life was a mess — a failed marriage, anxiety and addiction to Vicodin had left no space for happiness to take wings. She had no clue what happiness was. Nevertheless, her counsellor advised her to write on the topic. She told Aditi that many authors had touched upon it but only a few got to the depth of it — in the hope that it would help Aditi fight her depression. But that had helped precious little. Aditi was having second thoughts about listening to her counsellor.

What does happiness look like? She wondered as she sipped on her fourth coffee in one hour. Her typewriter lay there in front of her, with a blank page jutting out of it. Aditi slammed her fist on the table in frustration. If I knew, I wouldn’t have been feeling so dead inside for so long, she thought.

Dejected, Aditi took her car keys and drove to Central Park to get some air. On the way, her mind kept flashing back to memories — when her husband was not a cheat but a loving companion, about the first book she wrote without any ‘blocks’, counselling or angry publishers.

At the park, Aditi was sitting on a bench alone, still lost in her thoughts, when she saw a man, not very far, playing Tag with some children. The man was in his 30s, much younger than Aditi. He was wearing a denim jacket, cowboy boots and a blindfold with his arms in the air, reaching out to tag someone. The man and the children were laughing hysterically, while the parents sat on the benches nearby taking pictures. It was a moment where, everyone looked happy — the parents, the children, and the man. The game continued for another 20 minutes before the parents called their little ones to go home. The man shook hands with the parents and thanked every child to let him play with them.

Looking at them from her seat, Aditi wondered if she could have such moments in her life. She was looking at the man who was now removing the blindfold, smiling. She turned her gaze away as she didn’t want to pry. While she was staring at the ground still thinking if that’s what happiness looks like, she sensed someone coming and sitting next to her on the bench — the same man she was observing a few moments ago. He didn’t say anything, pulled out a book from his bag, turned to the bookmarked page and started reading it, with his fingers. It was her first book.

Aditi kept looking at the man, while he read and turned the pages of the braille copy. For every passage he read, he nodded in affirmation with a smile beaming on his face. “Reading something good?” Aditi asked him. “Oh! Hi! Yeah. Finding your way home by Aditi Richard,” he said. “It was suggested by a friend when my life was ebbing away. Her outlook towards love, hope, and courage gave me strength to stand-up and spread happiness wherever I can. I wish I could meet her and say thank you for writing this book.”

Aditi’s gridlock opened, her writer’s block vanished, and her smile was back. She thanked the man in her heart, drove back to her apartment, sat at her desk and began to type.

She packed her bags and was contemplating to leave. She’d had enough of him, of their marriage. She took one last glance at the picture that hung on their bedroom wall. It was a picture of them taken during their wedding over five years ago. They both looked very happy, very much in love.

What happened to them? How did they end up this way? She threw herself on the bed, tears streaming down her face. As a couple, she knew that they’d been through enough. Their marriage was literally in tatters. But for some reason, she could not let him go. Somehow, she wanted to make things work with him, no matter what.

Can you relate to the above situation? If so, you’re not alone. Romantic relationships, in general, aren’t easy. And love, well, it is a complicated emotion. Initially, your heart beats faster. Your palms get sweaty, you become weak in your knees, and you feel warm and fuzzy. Over time, love sweeps you off your feet and manages to become a central aspect of your very existence. You start craving for companionship and ardently pursue romantic relationships. But here’s the thing: although the spark of love may be enough to ignite a romantic relationship, it is not enough to keep its flames alive in the long run.

Several relationships fizzle out as quickly as they begin. When infatuation fades away (which it invariably does), disillusionment sets in. You see each other for who you are without being blinded by love. When you’re compatible, all is well; when you’re not, disappointment mounts, egos clash, making relationships unbearable. Sometimes even compatible couples could become too complacent in their relationship. They could feel bored, start taking their partner for granted or even become unfaithful by indulging in new amorous experiences. Or, relationships could get affected by external factors such as interference of family members or a financial crunch. Some might fret because they are unable to bear a child, whereas others might have to deal with the onset of a terminal illness or a disability.

Every relationship in its lifecycle is dotted with problems which test couples and the bond they share. But, no matter what the circumstance, there are always ways to resolve conflicts and stay strong. How a couple responds to and handles the challenges often decides the fate of a relationship. In this article, Soulveda explores how one can keep love alive even in the face of adversities.

When a relationship gets rocky, negative emotions are likely to dominate. One experiences a sense of fear, insecurity, sadness, and anger within, thereby clouding judgements and rendering people incapable to think rationally. As psychologist and influencer Dr Todd Hall, writes in his blog on negative emotions, “When we experience negative emotions in response to a situation or catch them from others, we tend to pass them on to others, contributing to a downward negative spiral.”

To break free from this cycle, Dr Hall suggests a few tips. First, identify the inflection points—a list of circumstances that usually trigger negative emotions. Once we identify them, we can plan how to respond to them in advance. Secondly, start empathising with ourselves. For more, we understand why we feel negative and get to the root cause of these emotions, the better we can be in control.

Evaluate the current relationship

Every relationship is unique. Every couple-dynamic is different. Yet, no relationship is perfect. And, there is no universal formula to decide whether one should invest time and energy on the broken relationship or let go. Evaluating the problem areas of a current relationship is thus a very necessary, personal and an introspective process. Ideally, it should be done with a clear head. One could start by asking whether the relationship is adding to or undermining our happiness and wellbeing.

In his book Boomerang Kids, psychologist Carl Pickhardt gives a few pointers on how to evaluate our current relationship. According to him, the process involves asking ourselves a few questions pertaining to the relationship, such as: Was I able to be myself in the relationship? Did I have a personal space? Did I feel free to speak up about what matters? Did I feel listened to while expressing a concern? Were my partner and I honest and truthful in the relationship? How were conflicts and disagreements resolved? Did my partner and I share obligations and responsibilities when together? How committed is my partner when it comes to salvaging the relationship?

Listen, empathise

Often, in relationships, we tend to vilify our partner and consider ourselves the victim. But in all possibility, it could very well be both ways. Only, we often remain blind to our own faults and our partner’s sufferings. One way to become more attuned to our partners’ problems is by developing empathy. It gives us the ability to see things from our partner’s perspective and walk in their shoes without judging them; empathy broadens our mind and helps us develop compassion.

Carin Goldstein, a clinical psychologist, and a licensed marriage and family therapist from Los Angeles says: “Empathy is truly the heart of the relationship. Without it, the relationship will struggle to survive.” That’s because, as Goldstein explains, empathy requires us to be compassionate. And, the more we are compassionate, the more we develop a strong bond with our partner.

Have an honest heart-to-heart conversation

Any relationship is built on the foundation of trust. Unfortunately, trust is fragile. Something as simple as a white lie can jeopardise trust and relationships. Honesty is hence paramount in relationships, more so, while salvaging one. Chances are, the more one has honest heart-to-heart conversations, the more they will understand each other better and even find solutions to current problems.

Writes Darlene Lancer, a certified marriage and family therapist, in her blog To Trust or Mistrust, honesty does not simply mean not lying. Keeping secrets, withholding information and withholding feelings—negative ones especially—are forms of dishonesty as well. And since deceptions invariably have a way of coming to light, they end up affecting the relationship. As she puts it, “It requires courage to be vulnerable and authentic.” But, developing the courage, to be honest in relationships can be well worth it.

Dare to face the truth

During the initial days of dating, the partner almost always seems flawless. But over time, their quirks can become annoying. So, one tries to change the partner either through coercion or manipulation. However, despite consistent efforts, partners seldom change. Only, the relationship turns sour—one develops disrespect towards the partner (and vice versa), and inadvertently ends up creating an emotional distance.

However, should one wish to salvage the relationship, there’s only one option: accept the partner for who they are with all their quirks and flaws. Clinical psychiatrist Dr Rick Hanson talks about the power of acceptance in one of his podcasts. According to him, acceptance is not succumbing to the other person’s flaws, it is not giving in or surrendering. Instead, acceptance is an empowering process which allows us to face what’s true. And, by learning to see things for what they are, we become better at dealing with problematic situations. However, if one continues to expect that the partner will someday change, the more they’re setting themselves up for disappointments.

Make some concessions

Many of us dread the idea of suddenly becoming single after being in a relationship for a while. Out of this fear, we often tend to do anything and everything to save the relationship. Of course, compromise is the grease which helps run a relationship wheel smoothly. Especially, when a relationship is suffering, one needs to practice give and take. But it doesn’t mean that we bend over backward either. If we give up our identity, morals, values, and beliefs in the name of compromise, the relationship is bound to go south in the long run. So negotiate and make some concessions but don’t compromise.

As Dr Danielle Dowling advises in her blog How much should you compromise to fix relationship problems?“The only change they need to make (that any of us need to make) is to be more authentically ourselves. Now that doesn’t mean you’ll never have to make another compromise. But it does mean that you should never abandon yourself to please another.”

At the heart of the television series Big Little Lies are its children. Though the plot revolves around the lives of three women, the show is also about the lives of their children and how they navigate through ups and downs of life. There is a lot on the platter for children who are just starting school—one is on a mission to find out more about his dad, the other is beaten up by her peer on the first day of school. And then, there are the twins whose father physical abuses their mother.